Southern Football vs. Northern football

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I got this via email.  I am not one to forward email to everyone I know so I figured I would post it here.  I love college football.  Its only 5 days away!

Stadium Size:

NORTH:  College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH:  High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

Campus Decor:

NORTH:  Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH:  Statues of Heisman trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen:

NORTH:  Also a physics major.

SOUTH:  Also Miss America..


NORTH:  If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.

SOUTH:  You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.

Getting Tickets:

NORTH:  5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH:  5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.

Women’s Accessories:

NORTH:  ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH:  Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Jack Daniels/Crown. Money is not necessary — That’s what dates are for.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH:  Students and teachers not sure they’re going to the game, Because they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH:  Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don’t want to see The few hung-over students that might actually make it to class and throw up on their floor.


NORTH:  An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH:  RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for The weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

Game Day:

NORTH:  A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH:  Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting “Game Day Live” to get on camera  and wave to the folks up north.


NORTH:  Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH:  30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by “Dave Matthews’ Band,” who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH:  You ask “Where’s the stadium?” When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH:  When you’re near it, you’ll hear it. On game day it becomes the state’s third largest city.


NORTH:  Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH:  Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team’s mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Jack Daniels/Crown.

When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH:  Stands are still less than half full.

SOUTH:  100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.

Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH:  Nothing changes.

SOUTH:  Fireworks, with a touch of Jack Daniels/Crown.

Commentary (Male):

NORTH:  “Nice play.”

SOUTH:  “*#@&@, you slow *&%$@#! – tackle him and break his legs.”

Commentary (Female):

NORTH:  “My, this certainly is a violent sport.”

SOUTH:  “*#@&@, you slow *&%$@#! – tackle him and break his legs.”


NORTH:  Neutral and paid.

SOUTH:  Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

After the Game:

NORTH:  The stadium is emptying out.

SOUTH:  Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker while somebody goes to The nearest package store for more bourbon. Planning begins for next week’s game.


6 Responses to Southern Football vs. Northern football

  1. jason says:

    You’ve apparently never attended a BigTen football game my friend. I’ve been to football games in the south (Florida -vs- Georgia for instance), and no doubt they’re awesome. But BigTen ball is where it’s at.

    Speaking of, here’s to OSU kicking Texas’ behind this Saturday!!!

  2. J'ai says:

    I’m writing about your pass along titled ‘Southern Football vs. Northern Football”. I’d like to use some of this for an article but feel restricted w/o permission. Would you be able to send me, via my email address, the author’s name?
    Thank you so much!!!!
    J’ai ;-)

  3. doughboy says:

    I got it in a forwarded email that was likely forwarded too. I have no idea who the original author.

  4. natedogg says:

    As far as the North vs. South thing…this also applies to events such as Rodeos, Barbecue Cookoffs, and even going to the Mall(for the ladies)!!!

  5. TXJBB says:

    Big Ten football sucks weiners. Way to go Michigan, App State should have been a cakewalk.

  6. TechinItEasy says:

    What Big10 tailgate/game have you been to that comes anywhere close to GA v FL? I think the “World’s largest outdoor cocktail party” has that name for a reason.

    When’s the last time you had to pay $200 for a ticket? in the second to last row of the upper deck?

    When’s the last time you started drinking bourbon and smoking ribs at 8:30am…for an 8:00pm game?

    Big10…what a joke.

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